Hurting

IUI#4 didn't work. So there will be no Christmas baby in our house this year. Our hearts are broken again and I'm feeling like my body is defective. We are taking a much needed break now. I'm not sure when or if we will try again. This process is emotionally and financially draining, time consuming and extremly stressful and intrusive. Goodbye for now. Be well my friends.

Dreams

So normally I'm the one dreaming about baby. Although I haven't been lately, maybe that's because it's all I think about during all of my waking hours. I've been sitting in training for the last four days so its all I daydream, think and pray about every second of the day! Anyhow DW told me that the other night she had a dream that we had our baby and it was so tiny it could fit in the palm of her hand. It was healthy and full term just miniature. I asked if it was a boy or girl and if it had hair. Haha She wasn't sure as the baby was swaddled. 

Two days later my aunt sends me a text that read "Had a dream last night that the whole fam was sitting around a table and u and "DW" walked in and announced u were getting married. Grandma asked why and if you were pregnant and I looked at u and u nodded"  "You were also wearing awful red lipstick. Lol"  My Grandma passed away in 2001 :( we all miss her terribly and DW and I are already married. I love how my Grandma was insinuating that we were getting married cause I was knocked up.lmao Anyway my aunt is convinced that this time will work as it was try #4 and my Grandma birthday is on May 4th. Also IUI número 4 was performed in exam room 4, exam room 1 is where we have had all our other IUI's. 

The real IUI#4

So today was IUI#4, performed in Exam Room #4 by a random Dr we have never met before while "Ho Hey" by the Lumineers played. haha DW and I laughed afterwards about random things while we waited for the swimmers to make their way to our little eggie. Fingers, toes, arms and legs crossed that this is the ONE! Dear lord grace us with a December baby...our own baby Jesus. 

IUI#4 Attempt#2

So the cyst was inactive and they said it would not affect our baby making. 

Our IUI#4 attempt #2 deets:

CD8-Right side 17mm follicle & cyst, left side 12mm and lots of 8mm's. Lining 3.7mm

CD9-20mm follicle & lining 4.5mm

CD10-22mm follicle, lining 6.4mm & E2 over 700

CD11-22mm, lining almost 7mm & E2 over 1000

CD12-24mm & lining 7.5mm. Nurse called-beginning to surge, instructed to trigger at 8pm and IUI the next day.

CD13-IUI at 8:30am

Cyst

So today's CD3 and my ultrasound showed 8 follicles on the right and one lovely cyst at 24mm and 15 follicles on the left. The Dr. said that if the cyst is producing hormones that this cycle will have to be cancelled. He also said that cysts are common and normally resolve themselves and that he doesn't think that mine will be a problem as my lining is only 3.7, but the only way to know is by the bloodwork. So now we wait. If we get a call by 6pm our cycle is cancelled. No call means start femera tonight. Ahhhh what a roller coaster of ups and downs and waiting!!! 

*Update No call and it's 6:36. DW and I are worried that this cycle is a bust due to the cyst and we aren't able to talk to the clinic until tomorrow and I start meds tonight :( 

IUI#4 Another sad day :(

After talking DW into not sitting this cycle out...the clinic left me a voicemail saying that my Dr is canceling the cycle as he does not feel that it's a good one. He is upping my femera to 5mg day 3-7 and I am to take Provera for 7 days to bring on my period. 
I suspected that this cycle was a bust as my follicles were not growing at the usual pace. However today was CD12 and I had 1 at 14mm but one on the other side that was 15mm then 14 and not growing. Typically we insem on day 14 or 15. Boo 6 days in a row of clinic visits to be stabbed and violated and all I got to show for it are bruised arms :(
Guess the chemical pregnancy messed with my system and I'm sure all the stress I've been under didn't help either. We were initially going to sit March out to avoid a Christmas baby but DW wants to go for it surprisingly. Maybe it's cause I sobbed to her in the kitchen about wanting a baby in my belly! So we'll see! We are most likely out in April as we're gonna be on a much needed vaycay but we're obviously hoping that we wouldn't need an April cycle anyway! Let our TWW for my period begin. 

Results are in...

Results are in...my levels went down. We are loosing our little bean. Less than 4 weeks along :( Our hearts are beyond broken.